Fergus Cassidy

Showing up

THERE was I meandering down the leafy byways somewhere in the heartland of Dublin 4. Bees buzzing, birds bickering and the smell of freshly cut grass. Pampered pooches prostrate in the last rays of strong evening sunlight. Life is good.

I wandered into a big hotel to answer a call from nature but it was a wrong number. So I ordered a double orange frappacino with a twist of lemon and topped off with a hint of cinnamon. Now when I say ordered, I mean I pointed to it on the leather-embossed menu.

Then I found a seat close to the foyer and sat on a couch that almost swallowed me whole. There I perched and pondered on some pressing questions. Like how to raise the capital for another cup of coffee. Bank loan? An overdraft?

And then, just in the nick of time, I could hear the makings of a right row going off all around me. Lovely. A donnybrook in Donnybrook.

I had stumbled across one of the big social occasions in the Irish calendar. A glittering Ball. You know the ones? You see the pictures at the back of magazines in the dentist's waiting room. Or in a newsagents or shop where you know you won't be seen by anyone who knows you.

But this Ball, however, was a far cry from the glitz and glamour. Smiling and posing were in short supply, and a lot of the faces were as long as the gowns. This was the Regulator's Ball and from what I witnessed it wasn't going at all well.

There they all were in their finery, pointing fingers and tut-tutting. The Consumer people were screaming about the price of the drinks. The Financial people demanded to see the hotel's accounts. The Communications people didn't get any invites because they were left in a letter box two miles away. The Insurance people were getting uneasy trying to figure out the added risk. And to top it all the Taxi people were arguing whether the hotel was 10 or 15 miles from the GPO.

I'd had enough and regulated my way out through the back entrance with my pockets overflowing with sachets of brown sugar and a bad taste in my mouth.

This could happen some day (the Ball not the coffee). There are almost enough regulators to put out a soccer team. In a couple more years, they'll have enough to play against one another. Except they'd never be able to agree on the referee. Look at the list: communication, financial services, electricity, gas, aviation, insurance, consumer affairs.

This is new stuff for Ireland. The only regulators we had up to now were the ones used to inflate footballs. And what are all these regulators for? Well in the words of the Taoiseach a couple of years back: "the establishment of sectoral regulators - notably in the Transport, Energy and Communication sectors - has helped to define more clearly the role of the State as 'steering', not 'rowing', in certain key economic areas". [1] Okay the steady hand on the tiller and all that. The ship of State etc etc.

It seems that regulators are the way in which government can intervene in certain markets, without the dead hand of bureaucratism and, more importantly, remain within strict budgetry guidelines.

But regulators are such a new addition to this country, that the time is fast approaching when we really need to look at where this stuff is leading. Are they achieving what they set out to do? Or are they becoming yet another layer transposed between government and the governed?

The way the regulatory regime is set up can give the impression that regulators are 'neutral' in terms of government. They are not part of the government, yet they are fulfiling a specific and crucial role assigned by government. They have huge influence and impact on all of our lives.

The announcement two weeks back by Eircom of the second line rental price increase in the space of three months is an example of what I mean. The reason for the increase according to Eircom was that the company's "retail line rental continues to be priced below cost, with the company incurring an annual infrastructure deficit of circa E145m". [2]

So let's get this straight. Eircom are running the plain old telephone system at a loss. And we have to make up that loss. Plus there's no other place to go to get a telephone line in Ireland.

Was this what the Taoiseach was thinking about when he mentioned 'steering'. We, the plain old people used to own the telephone lines. Then huge numbers were 'steered' into buying shares in this company by a massive marketing campaign worthy of an Iraqi information minister. Finally, after the share price went down the toilet, along comes a consortium of venture capitalists who shelled out nearly E3bn to buy it and want to see the return pronto. Hence we're expected to stump up sooner or later.

That Eircom is back so soon at the trough looking for more money is incredulous. What is the actual state of the telephone network if it requires such sharp increases in line rental charges?

But what's even more bizarre is that Eircom is only obliged to carry data (ie internet) over the telephone lines at speeds that could only impress a three-legged tortoise. If you ring the company and enquire about poor quality for internet use, the mantra is "we're not responsible for that". Maybe so, but that doesn't stop the company from sending out whopping phone bills. Best of both worlds.

Where do us bill payers come in to the equation? Just keep coughing up and praying to St Jude? If we organise ourselves is there a seat at some table somewhere? Is there even a table to begin with? All the powers-that-be seem to be wearing 'neutral' hats right now. We don't even have a hat.

Decisions are made by those who show up and the recent price hike means that once again we weren't able to show up.

But someday we will. And although you'd be right in saying you heard all this before yadda yadda, this time it is different. We're acquiring the means and experience to self-organise and build effective communities of like-minded people. And represent ourselves for a change.

After all, Cinderella does eventually get to go the Ball.

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LINKS

[1] Speech by An Taoiseach, Bertie Ahern, at the launch of the OECD's report on "Regulatory Reform in Ireland, April 2001.

[2] Eircom press release 12 May 2003