Fergus Cassidy

Copperhead Road

AFTER watching the Ireland v Georgia soccer match last Wednesday, I went to bed and had a horribly vivid dream. I'm lying there and can hear the sound of a drill and nails being hammered. Then there was a sound like a jet engine starting up. Next thing the wall of my bedroom comes tumbling down and a giant mouse crashes down on top of me.

Whatever Dr Freud might say on this matter I'd rather not know. I do know that watching the Irish soccer team can bring on nightmares, but the performance last Wednesday should have made for blissful and sound sleep. It was the bloody ads!

Listening to Uncle Bill's 'Okey Doks' is one of the highlights of any game on the box, but hearing it now means the mouse is on its way to the screen. The amount of ad breaks and promos for Eircom, the main sponsor of the national team, is such that any day now I'm expecting the same mouse to line out at centre half. Except for its susceptibilty to the offside trap or playing in the hole in front of the defence.

But Eircom's sponsorship is not just confined to soccer. Besides the national league and team, the company is also a major sponsor of the upcoming Special Olympics, the weather forecasts and the Information Age Town project.

I've no doubt that most of the organisations sponsored are grateful and some might not even function were it not for the sponsorship. But it's not all one-way traffic. In the company's own words: "sponsorship is an important vehicle by which Eircom positions itself in the marketplace".

'Okey Dok', but why? What marketplace for crying out loud? Blessington Mart? Moore Street? The company has complete control over the copper wires which make up the last mile in the telephone infrastructure. Out of hundreds of thousands of those lines, only about 2000 are not at the exclusive use of Eircom.

So what? Well this is no ordinary company selling this or that. The infrastructure, particularly the phone lines are of massive strategic importance for the social and economic well-being of this country. Those lines are a 'natural' resource.

In the same way that sewerage or electricity are. There's no sense in having more than one sewer pipe or electric cable going into each house. Same for water. Competition won't work for natural resources. If anything, it's detrimental to competition because it means companies slug it out for dominance of the resource rather than having a vested interest in maintaining, improving and expanding it.

Eircom is a monopoly. The liberalisation of the telecommunications sector has replaced a publicly-owned monopoly with a private one. How else can it be explained that a lot of money is available for sponsorship but money to invest in the phone lines can only be found by way of a second line rental price hike in three months?

So after arranging an appointment with a plastic surgeon, getting the airline tickets and enrolling in a Witness Protection Programme, I'm suitably fortified to allow my fingers to move about the keyboard unhindered.

The last mile of copper connections should be nationalised. It's the only way out of this dreadful stalemate and the longer it goes on the worse it will get. Nationalisation, for those of a certain vintage, might provide bad flashbacks so call it anything you like. Public-public partnership. Or The Right Thing to Do.

How else can it be done? No private company is going to build a second telephone line infrastructure. Well maybe Enron would have (ah the good 'oul days). And no government is going to spend money building it.

The state taking over ownership of the last mile would offer the breakthrough that is needed in what is, irony of ironies, the slopiest playing pitch since Yeovil Town.

It would mean that the state acts as a neutral vendor of the domestic and business telephone lines. Allowing all comers to offer their products and services and creating real competition for those services. In return the state could use some of the revenue to maintain and upgrade the network. Spreading that sort of investment over, say, a 20-30 year period is far preferable than attempting to squeeze diminishing assets over five years.

Think what it would do for innovation, with all sorts of companies finding that access to the Irish telephone network is financially viable to do business.

One other great benefit of last mile nationalisation lies in the future. As wireless network technology begins to reach critical mass and supercedes wired, the state can still provide a universal telephone service to those who most need it and not have to go cap in hand to anyone. With the age demographics in Ireland, this might be a vital resource in bridging the digital divide and aiding social cohesion.

So maybe the EU would block such a move? Maybe it wouldn't. Maybe there are enough people there with enough cop on to realise the value of the proposal and pat us on the back. Thesis writers and after dinner speakers could refer to the Irish direction as an example of the infamous 'Third Way'.

Sure it might all end up in some court or other. But isn't it going in that direction anyway without any outside assistance? At the minute, the ball is firmly in Eircom's court.

Can we have our ball back please?