Fergus Cassidy

Sing theory

IT would require some of the greatest minds in the world to find any link between Saturday Night Fever and string theory. But then why bother when the unimaginable link is singing and dancing on the stage right before their very eyes.

For the best part of ten years, Lynda Williams has been entertaining scientists at conferences throughout the world. At the end of a day dissecting the mind of god, they can unravel their own minds at a Williams' concert.

On display outside the venue entrance, the announcement board reads: 'TONIGHT: The Physics Chanteuse - a cabaret-style musical act produced and performed by physicist and chanteuse Lynda Williams'.

When the house lights dim and the spotlight hits her silver lame jumpsuit, Williams belts out numbers like Quantum Jump, Big Bang, The Sun Song and a dozen others. It's a long way from the Bee Gees.

At the height of disco craze in Sacramento USA, the 16-year-old Williams faked her ID to get into the clubs. She was really taken with disco and didn't blink at the chance to teach others.

It helped to ease the misery of high school. "I hated math and science or, truly, I just hated high school. I flunked algebra and got a D in physics".

Her uncle gave her a telescope and a star-hunter was born. Following high school, she went to college to study political science. She learned that wasn't her first preference. There was a black hole inside.

"I realised that in order to make any decisions about the meaning of the universe, I had to know math and science. And I was seriously deficient. I'd pick up Scientific American magazine and I'd cry when I couldn't understand it."

So she taught herself trigonometry and changed her major subject. "I dove right into calculus and physics. I was a maniac." She also describes particle physics as "my first true love". She graduated in 1987 with a minor in physics and a major in math.

She then "fell in with a bunch of wild artists" and started producing her own shows. It wasn't long though before gravity pulled her back for a master's degree in San Francisco State university. When she's not being the Physics Chanteuse, Professor Williams lectures there on physics and astronomy.

The self-invented stage name is the outlet for her unique mix of science and entertainment. She calls it scientainment. "I sing and dance, and I'm interested in science, so I sing and dance about science."

The Physics Chanteuse is her "vehicle for expressing observations about physics. I do it with original songs, parodies and mixed-media presentations. I think of her as Bette Midler meets Carl Sagan, with a touch of Tom Lehrer and Mae West added to the mix.

"First and foremost, I'm really an entertainer at heart. But I just happen to think that astronomy and cosmology and physics and biology are really interesting and worthy of having songs sung about them. There's enough people singing about love and sex and drugs."

Williams' first gig was at the 44th Midwest Solid State conference. She wore a 1950s satin pine green gown, long white gloves and plenty of fake diamond jewellery. She opened with 'Carbon Is a Girl's Best Friend':
A lithium dose just might cure your depression
but carbon is a girl's best friend... .

More bookings came. In a parallel rock 'n' roll universe, Williams was profiled by a reporter from Physics Today, who wrote a feature about her second gig, at the US Particle Accelerator School at Berkeley. She's been gigging ever since.

But beyond aiming at "witty and fun entertainment", Williams puts her qualifications and experience to work for her strongly-held beliefs. "Physics is a very closed club and members don't respect criticism from outsiders. I have paid my dues so now I'm entitled to make commentary."

She has described physics as "the modern priesthood", in ultimate pursuit of a theory of everything, boarding on religious fervour.

"For me to put on a cocktail dress and dance around is, in some ways, blasphemy. It is downright pagan! I think it is vital to shatter the 'priesthood paradigm' because it excludes people - especially women - and keeps the general population from participating in making policy".

A favourite in her repertoire is called 'High Tech Girl', sung to the tune of Madonna's 'Material Girl': Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me/I think they're passe/If they can't talk about quantum theory/I just walk away. She sings it in front of a projected montage of 50 prominent female scientists.

Williams believes "there are a lot of girls and women out there missing a great adventure". She also warns that "if you don't understand something, you give your power away and that's a dangerous thing in these high tech times".

She's not done with her own adventures. "A show on the Big Bang would be my biggest fantasy. If they can do a show on cats, why not one on subatomic particles?"

The Physics Chanteuse is far from jive talkin'.

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LINK: Lynda Williams' site.